Christina Haag has written a memoir (see my review here) about her 5 year romance with John F.Kennedy, Jr. and ‘Come to the Edge‘ is currently on the NY Times Bestseller list. My path crossed with Christina’s a handful of times in Los Angeles in the early 90’s when we attended the same yoga classes in Larchmont and occasionally our circles of friends overlapped. I realize now that I met Christina quite soon after her breakup with John; her natural warmth was concealed under an actress’s fragile veneer of aloofness, self-protection in the aftermath of the media frenzy that accompanies celebrity breakups. ‘Come to the Edge’ is a tender love story told with sentimentality and innocence. The pain is gone and the memories are happy ones. The author writes that she did fall in love again (more than once) since John. But she never married. And the book is mostly about her time with him. She still dreams about him. It would seem that this relationship is still very much on her mind but perhaps the book provides a catharsis that will bring some closure for her two decades later.
If you’re one of my clients or a longtime reader of Feng Shui By Fishgirl, you already know that the path to finding new love requires a clearing out and letting go of past love so you can move on. It takes as long as it takes. Sometimes we are paralyzed by the thought of falling in love because we might get our hearts broken again. Is it worth it? For many the answer is no. Or a half-hearted yes. Taking the plunge takes courage. Courage to let go of the past. Courage to honor your story at the same time you move on. Writing in a journal can bepart of the recipe for healing a broken heart. Exploring your dreams in a dream circle with others or studying with Connie Kaplan or Robert Moss can be of great benefit. Reading the stories of others can also help–‘Come to the Edge’ is a book that many women will relate to (even if we’re not involved with a celebrity). It’s a fun, quick read for a rainy afternoon.
From time to time I reintroduce prior blog posts I’ve written that I can’t really improve on. Letting Go of Clutter–it’s really holding you back!
is one of my most popular posts at SelfGrowth.com. If you want to discover the psychological reasons you might be holding on to junk, read that post.
Another good one is about Letting Go of Your Ex. We often hold on to toxic relationships long past there due date.
These doctors in the article below claim that hanging on to negative experiences in your brain can be detrimental to your health as well. A recommended read:
Is Your Brain Stuck in the Past? – David Perlmutter, M.D. F.A.C.N and Alberto Villoldo, Ph.D. – Heal Your Life.
Being friends with you ex sounds like a lofty and noble idea. If I sound skeptical it’s because I know from experience that it’s difficult to truly do. With so much shared history—much of it romantic, intimate, and sexual—if one partner breaks it off with the other can friendship really happen without lapsing into codependence? Old habits die hard.
If you’re emailing your ex under the premise of friendship but you’re using his or her pet name from when your relationship was hot ‘n’ heavy, that means you have very shaky boundaries. If you’re signing it “xoxo” you’re flirting even if you sign all your emails to everyone you know “xoxo” because once you’ve actually had physical xo’s take place, the written x’s and o’s are fraught with undertones. Flirting = hurting unless you’re trying to reignite the relationship.
This is why feng shui tradition suggests that when a couple breaks up there should be a clean break. Unless you share children with someone, is there really a need to keep in touch? If you’re still tied in emotionally to your ex, your heart is already full. If your space still has reminders of your former relationship everywhere you look, the residual energy of the past is taking up space that a new love could be occupying. By making a clean break now, you give yourself the space you and your former partner need to heal completely. Further on down the road (do yourself a feng shui favor and let at least 9 years go by) you’ll be in a much better position to create a genuine friendship with your ex.
Are you lonely? Examine your home and your behavior. Are there ghosts of exes past lingering in your space keeping you from finding a new mate? Please feel free to share your own experiences with making a clean break in the comments below!