Being friends with you ex sounds like a lofty and noble idea. If I sound skeptical it’s because I know from experience that it’s difficult to truly do. With so much shared history—much of it romantic, intimate, and sexual—if one partner breaks it off with the other can friendship really happen without lapsing into codependence? Old habits die hard.
If you’re emailing your ex under the premise of friendship but you’re using his or her pet name from when your relationship was hot ‘n’ heavy, that means you have very shaky boundaries. If you’re signing it “xoxo” you’re flirting even if you sign all your emails to everyone you know “xoxo” because once you’ve actually had physical xo’s take place, the written x’s and o’s are fraught with undertones. Flirting = hurting unless you’re trying to reignite the relationship.
This is why feng shui tradition suggests that when a couple breaks up there should be a clean break. Unless you share children with someone, is there really a need to keep in touch? If you’re still tied in emotionally to your ex, your heart is already full. If your space still has reminders of your former relationship everywhere you look, the residual energy of the past is taking up space that a new love could be occupying. By making a clean break now, you give yourself the space you and your former partner need to heal completely. Further on down the road (do yourself a feng shui favor and let at least 9 years go by) you’ll be in a much better position to create a genuine friendship with your ex.
Are you lonely? Examine your home and your behavior. Are there ghosts of exes past lingering in your space keeping you from finding a new mate? Please feel free to share your own experiences with making a clean break in the comments below!